I Return.

It’s been too long. Words don’t flow from me as easily as they used to. I hesitate now, when once, I wrote swiftly, fearlessly, about what I felt, what I knew to be true. Now, I write with more thought, careful of how my words would translate to whoever finds this secret place. I don’t know if this is better. I only know it is different.

A lot of things have happened in the time since I last wrote here.  In fact, I can say I’ve changed a lot since that time. No longer am I as carefree, as candid, as sure. I feel more cautious of happiness now. I found that, in the last few months, happiness was too fleeting to fully enjoy, a mere fantasy, and that always, reality never failed to rear its ugly head to remind me of all the things that are wrong in my life. Although I am not jaded, I find myself suspicious of anything that resembled something “good.” It saddens me, this change, and I am hoping, willing myself to believe, that it is not permanent.

Although “dreary” is perhaps the perfect word for how my life has been lately, I can say that it isn’t really that sad. There are constant bright spots in my life, like the proverbial lights at the end of tunnels,  that I will always be thankful for. Without them, I’d be lost.

So, here’s to me writing again. I’m going to try my best to keep this up and not disappear into oblivion once more.